


The Voice Inside My Head

by malecplusotherthings



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Fluff, M/M, Robert Lightwood Being an Asshole, Swearing, homophobic parent, slight slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:55:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28674807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malecplusotherthings/pseuds/malecplusotherthings
Summary: Malec soulmate AU. You get to communicate with your soulmate telepathically, though you can’t share personal details like your name, age, physical description etc because then we can’t have angst and we really really like angst. The communication starts when you’re 18. This is also a college AU. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 23
Kudos: 129





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It has been a while since I wrote Malec but anyway this is fun. At least I had fun writing it. It features both Magnus’ and Alec’s POV cause like idk I love that style for Malec. Feedback is important and makes me very happy so please give me it. Also yes I know that people turn 18 before college usually but for the sake of this fic, imma pretend Alec skipped a grade and turns 18 at the beginning of his first semester. I know this chapter is short but this is just the set-up I promise it will be more fun later. Dot and Catarina is a ship I did not know I needed but it kinda just happened in my head?

Alec was excited to start college, and not just because it gave him a chance to get away from his family. A smile crept onto his face as he stared at the beautiful ivy-covered walls of Princeton University. It was one of the best schools in the world and he still couldn’t believe he had made it. He quickly headed to his dorm and began to unpack. Classes were to start the following week and Alec liked being prepared. He had never been the kind to make friends easily, unlike both his siblings and so he compensated for that by excelling in his academics. He had even skipped the sixth grade.

However, still being seventeen wasn’t easy. Alec still had no idea who his soulmate was. The people in his grade had been talking to their soulmates since senior year. Some had even found theirs already. Alec sighed and ran a hand through the back of his hair. At least he didn’t have to wait too long for a soulmate. As of next week, on September 12th, Alexander Lightwood would be 18 years old.  _ That is if there is anyone out there for me. _ Alec swiftly brushed the thought aside as he curled himself up in a dorm bed that was much too small for his 6’3” stature. Whatever this soulmate crap was, he didn’t want to deal with it until he absolutely had to.

***

Two years. Magnus Bane had turned 18 two years ago, and he had heard nothing from his soulmate. At this point, he wasn’t sure that there was anybody out there for him. He had heard his friends talk about their soulmates, but had nothing to contribute. Some had even found theirs already. Dot and Catarina, for example. They both lived in the apartment next to Magnus' and had quickly become his best friends on campus. They were both beautiful and talented women who deserved each other. Magnus was genuinely happy for them, but he couldn’t help feel a little jealous.

During his freshman year at Princeton, Magnus had felt as though he had found the person he had been looking for. He thought even if the universe couldn’t present him with a soulmate, he had managed to find one on his own. However, as the universe would have it, Camille too had broken his heart. As a consequence of losing himself to the wrong person one too many times, Magnus had shut himself down to the prospects of a romantic relationship. That said, perhaps Magnus was wrong. Perhaps Magnus did have a soulmate somewhere and they just hadn’t had a chance to communicate with him. Perhaps.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More slow burn between soulmates. Magnus and Alec both wonder if there is anybody for them and they are too scared to find out. Alec also does something he never thought he would have the courage to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay yes, I created some parallels between Magnus and Alec but does that really surprise us at this point? I’m a sucker for parallels and sprinkle them everywhere. Y’all should know that by now. Also, I know Magnus’ part is kinda blah, I’m sorry.

_ September, 12 _ . Alexander Lightwood was officially 18. Having just started college, he hadn’t made many friends. Not that he was a very popular kid in high school, either. His birthday parties were always planned by Isabelle, his sister. He never even knew half the people there. As annoying as those parties were most of the time, he did miss Izzy and Jace. At least with them around, he didn’t have to spend his birthday alone. They must have sensed this because as soon as Alec sat down to enjoy his dinner, his phone buzzed. The name “Little Lightwood” flashed on his phone. He immediately picked it up.

“Hey, Izzy!” Alec could hear loud music through the phone. “Are you at a party? Iz, it’s a school night.”

“Oh, well Jace thought it was a good idea to throw a party in your honor because you probably are eating dinner in your dorm by yourself.”

“So you threw me a birthday party?”

“Yes.”

“Without me actually being there?”

“Yes.” There was a pause. Alec could hear Izzy move through the house. The music in the background had gotten a lot quieter. “Hey, Alec?”

“Yes, Iz?”

“Did you try to talk to your soulmate yet?” Alec sighed in response. He knew Izzy would want to ask about that. She was the only person in the world who knew Alec was gay. She’d known since he was 16. Even Jace did not know this about Alec. Part of that was because Jace was the person who had made Alec realize his sexuality. Izzy was Alec’s support system, she had always had his back.

“No, I haven’t talked to him yet. I don’t even know if he exists.”

“And you’ll never find out until you try.” Another silence. “And Alec?”

“Hmmm?”

“Happy Birthday.” That was the last thing Izzy said to him before somebody came and dragged her back into the party. Alec finished his dinner quietly, all the while thinking about what his sister had said to him. He threw the now empty take-out containers into the trash and headed for the shower. It was already quite late and Alec wanted to get some sleep before he needed to start putting late hours at the library every night. After his shower, he curled up in his bed but sleep did not come. Alec sighed and closed his eyes.

_ Hello?  _ Alec called, to a soulmate who probably didn’t even exist. He sat on his bed, with his eyes tightly shut, sure that he had just made a terrible mistake.

***

Magnus was having dinner with Dorothea and Cat that night. Even though it was just a casual affair, he had put on a crisp silver shirt with his black dinner jacket and dark skinny jeans. When it came to fashion, Magnus never settled for less. The silver shirt complimented his gold eyes perfectly. However, he further accentuated his look with a simple stroke of gold eyeliner over his eyelids. His hair was dyed with streaks of silver. After admiring himself in the mirror one final time, Magnus went over next door.

Dinner with Cat and Dot - or as Magnus like to call them: Dotarina - was always fun. The girls never failed to cheer him up. That’s why they were his best friends. They always had his back. With them, Magnus could let down his guard. He didn’t have to be everyone thought he was. He could be himself. He’d often wondered if they were his soulmates. In a platonic manner, obviously.

“You know what, Mags?” Cat said, reaching for his hands. “Who cares if the universe didn’t give you a soulmate? I will find you one. Or you know maybe you already have one. Maybe the reason you can’t talk to them is that you’ve already met them.”

“I’m sure I would know if I had met my soulmate, Cat.” Magnus wasn’t sure if it was the drink, but talking with Cat made him feel better than he had felt in a while. “It wouldn’t feel so...mundane. It would be different.”

“Not necessarily. I didn’t immediately feel fireworks when I first met Dot. It takes time to figure these things out.” Magnus sighed at Catarina’s words and ran a hand through his hair. His eyes darted toward the clock. It was getting late. They quickly said their goodbyes and Magnus headed back to his own apartment.

Magnus soon changed out of his clothes and snuggled into bed. Just as sleep was about to take over his body, Magnus heard something.

_ Hello? _ A voice rang inside his head. It felt so familiar but still so new. Magnus sat upright, immediately knowing whose voice that was. It was his soulmate.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec have their first communication telepathically. Except neither of them know what to talk about and they’re both super awkward. Italics is Alec and bold is Magnus. Also like when they hear each other telepathically it's not their actual voices because that would be too easy. If you know anything about me at this point, you know I don’t like easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: WHY ARE THEY SUCH DORKY IDIOTS? Yes, I know I am the one writing this but that does not mean I have to condone their stupidity.

_ Hello?  _ Alec called, to a soulmate who probably didn’t even exist. He sat on his bed, with his eyes tightly shut, sure that he had just made a terrible mistake. He felt his heart beating in his throat as wait for a response.

**Hi.** Alec smiled. The voice in his head was extremely relaxing. There was a pause. Alec had no idea what to say. Sure, he had dreamt about talking to his soulmate since he was sixteen, but to actually be in that position was a different thing entirely. The two of them stayed up talking to each other for hours.

This soon became a routine for them. Alec didn’t know who his soulmate was, where he was from, but he looked forward to their conversations. When talking to his soulmate, Alec often lost track of time. Before he knew it, the semester was over and it was time to head back home.

As excited as he was to see his siblings, he was equally scared to see his father. Robert Lightwood had always wanted him to be perfect. The ideal Lightwood heir, and for the most part Alec had succeeded. Of course, that would all change when Alec tells Robert the truth about his sexuality. Alec had never had the courage to do that until now. However, talking to his soulmate had unlocked this new feeling of bravery inside him. He looked in the mirror of his dorm room and sighed. In a few hours, he would be home.

_ Can’t go wrong with an all-black outfit. _ Alec said, looking himself over in the mirror. Most of the Lightwood family - including the Honorary Lightwood, Jace - had impeccable fashion sense. Alec was the odd one out.

**Hmm, all black is an excellent choice. Especially when that is all you have in your closet.** Alec blushed at his soulmate’s voice in his head. He had been giving Alec fashion advice all semester long. Apparently, Alec’s wardrobe was too boring and mundane.

_ I’m going to miss you, ya know. _ Alec said to him, chuckling.

**Well, sweetheart, I’m not going anywhere.**

_ I know, but we’re not going to have this kind of time with each other with my family breathing down my neck. _

**Then I shall be here when you return.** Alec smiled, knowing nobody could see him. He had never felt this way about anyone. Alec didn’t know if this was love or something else, but he certainly didn’t ever want to let this go.

***

Ever since Magnus had heard his soulmate’s voice, they had talked every night. Magnus had closed himself off to feeling like this about anyone, but whoever this person was had unlocked something inside him. It had been a semester and he hadn’t even noticed where the time went. When he was with his soulmate, time seemed to pass by quickly. However, with the Christmas holidays coming up his soulmate was off to visit family. As Magnus stood there, already missing his soulmate, a voice rang through his head.

_ Can’t go wrong with an all-black outfit.  _ Magnus laughed at his soulmate’s words. He had been offering fashion advice all semester and yet, this person was still stuck with all black clothing.

**Hmm, all black is an excellent choice. Especially when that is all you have in your closet.**

_ I’m going to miss you, ya know.  _ Magnus then heard a laugh, a beautiful laugh.

**Well, sweetheart, I’m not going anywhere.**

_ I know, but we’re not going to have this kind of time with each other with my family breathing down my neck. _

**Then I shall be here when you return.** Magnus smiled a kind of smile he hadn’t felt in a long time. All he wanted was for the Christmas season to be over so he could go soulmate hunting.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Alec’s POV. He is at home now and he does something he never thought he’d have the courage to do. Magnus’ POV isn’t in this one because he won’t be able to reflect on this much but he’ll come back next chapter. Also, I will never ever forgive Robert for anything. Maryse and Robert are divorced because Robert cheated on her but he still comes to visit over breaks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I would ask you to have fun but you probably won’t and for that I am sorry. No, I’m not. If I suffer, you suffer. That is just how this relationship works. It got a little chaotic in the end I think and for that I apologise.

It had been a week since Alec had been home. Robert had arrived a couple of days after Alec. Things had been civil between them so far. Granted, Alec hadn’t really come out to him yet. As nervous as he was about that, Alec also felt a type of confidence he never had before. As they all sat around the dinner table, he felt Izzy gently patted his hand. Alec had confided in her that he wanted to come out to their parents and she had been nothing but supportive. Alec loved her for it. He flashed her a quick smile and swallowed his fears.

“I…” Alec started, clearing his throat. He then looked up from his food toward his parents. “I need to talk to you. Both of you.”

“Is everything alright at school, Alec?” His father asked.

“Oh yes, I, uh, I just wanted to tell you something. It’s about my soulmate.” Maryse smiled at him as Alec said that. She had always been there for him. Even when his parents were together she sheltered him from Robert’s anger.

“Do you not like her? What is she like?” Robert spoke again. His voice was neutral. Alec ran a nervous hand through his hair.

“That’s what I wanted to tell you.  _ She _ doesn’t exist.” For the first time during dinner, Robert Lightwood looked at his son.

“Do you not have one yet?”

“No, I do. I have one.” Alec slowly let out a deep breath he had been holding. “What I’m trying to tell you is that I’m gay.”

“Alec! I am so proud of yo-” Maryse began but was cut short by Robert.

“Alec, I know you’re in college and you want to try new things. I know a girl who can help you through this. You just haven’t been with the right girls.”

“Dad!” Alec stood up, angry. “My  _ soulmate _ is a man. No woman can “help” me. There is no right woman for me. I’m gay and I’m hopelessly in love with my soulmate.”

“Then you don’t always have to marry your soulmate.” Maryse immediately stood up and stopped her ex-husband.

“Robert, I didn’t marry my soulmate, and that was the biggest mistake of my life. I will not let you push that life on my son. Get out of my house.” In all the time Alec had known his mother, he had never seen her stand up to Robert like that. She made her way over to Alec and hugged him tightly. “I want you to know how proud I am of you. Whoever he is, Alec, he is very lucky to have you.”

“And I him, Mom.” Alec smiled at his mother, happy that she was there today. Things calmed down after Robert left. After a relatively civil dinner, Alec excused himself to his room. He closed his eyes and thought about the man he had fallen in love with. Alec wanted to tell him that. Alec wanted him to know that whoever he was, Alec loved him. But for now, he kept this little secret to himself, scared that it might push his soulmate away.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas break is over and Magnus and Alec are now back at university. It’s a new semester and everyone is excited. They finally meet in this episode so we shall see how that goes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right so this chapter is a little choppy but gahhhh. The next one will be amazing I promise. It is the last one so you probably know what to expect. Also the soulmate voices in their heads don’t match the actual voices of their soulmates because then they’d immediately recognize each other and thats no fun.

Before he knew it, Alec’s winter break was over and he was back on campus. A new semester had started and Alec was very excited. He was determined to find his soulmate, wherever he may be. As the sun peered through his dorm window, Alec woke up with a smile on and a song stuck in his head. It took him a few minutes to realize that it was, in fact, his soulmate who was singing it. He let out a small giggle as he joined in. Together, they sang through Ruelle’s I Get To Love You in perfect sync. That song described Alec’s feelings perfectly.

**What are you thinking about, pup?** His soulmate asked

_ Oh, nothing. _ Alec decided that he would tell his soulmate his feelings, just not yet. Not when he was running late for class.  _ I’m just running a little late, that’s all. And please don’t make ‘pup’ a thing. _

Alec quickly changed into his clothes for school and headed to class. It was an introductory history class, and Alec was very excited about it. It didn’t take him too long to find the classroom. As usual, he was a little early but he didn’t mind that too much. Soon the other students began filtering in. As Alec sat in his corner seat by the front door, he noticed a man smiling down at him. He had bright golden eyes and dark golden hair that was going all over the place. He was certainly overdressed for a lecture but he looked good. Alec swiftly dismissed the thought thinking about his soulmate.

“Hi, is this seat taken?” The golden-eyed boy asked. Alec simply shook his head. “I’m Magnus, by the way. Magnus Bane.”

“Alexander Lightwood.”

“Hello, Alexander.” Usually, Alec hated being called by his full name, but for some reason, Alec didn’t correct the way Magnus said it. As Magnus sat next to him, Alec noticed that the song playing from the boy’s phone was the same song that Alec and his soulmate were singing in the morning. Alec smiled a little to himself thinking about his soulmate as he once again began to hum the tune softly. Whoever his soulmate was, Alec was excited to meet him.

***

Ever since his sophomore year, Magnus had always had a habit to get up early. However, this semester, he had an important mission. This semester, Magnus had to find his soulmate. He quickly sprang out of bed and began to get dressed. As he always did, Magnus began to sing along to the music that was coming out of his phone. Two lines into his performance of I Get To Love You by Ruelle, Magnus heard a different voice singing along with him, a voice he recognized as his soulmate’s. Magnus smiled as they sang through the song together.

**What are you thinking about, pup?** Magnus asked, wondering why his soulmate had gone quiet all of a sudden.

_ Oh, nothing. I’m just running a little late, that’s all. And please don’t make ‘pup’ a thing.  _ Magnus chuckled at the immediate dismissal of this new nickname. He then glanced over at the time and realized that he too was running late for his first class this semester. He added some last-minute finishing touches to his already perfect makeup, grabbed his breakfast, and headed straight to class.

Perhaps stopping for breakfast hadn’t been the best idea because, by the time Magnus got to class, all the good seats were gone. He found a seat in the front row, right by the door.

“Hi, is this seat taken?” Magnus asked, pausing his music. He had been listening to I Get To Love You on repeat all morning. A beautiful boy with bright blue eyes shook his head at him. “I’m Magnus, by the way. Magnus Bane.”

“Alexander Lightwood.”

“Hello, Alexander.” There was something about this boy that Magnus couldn’t stop smiling at him. He slowly slid into the seat next to the blue-eyed boy, who seemed to be humming a song. His voice was beautiful. It felt familiar but yet it was like nothing Magnus had ever heard before. It made Magnus happy. As the notes of the song became clearer, an incredible realization dawned on him.  _ This was his soulmate. _


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty we made it. This is the last chapter for this fic but I do have some marauder era stuff coming up. Magnus and Alec finally find each other and all is good again. Anything in italics now is just the boys’ inner voices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was absolutely written to fulfill my desire for fluff because like who doesn’t want good malec fluff. These two dumbasses are so cute and I love them for it. I also adore College Alec for some reason and this was a really fun fic to write. Thank you everyone who supported it.

As the lecture drew to a close, Alec gathered his belongings and made his way out. He hadn’t made it very far from the classroom when he heard somebody call out his name. Turning around, he saw the same boy who had been sitting next to him through this lecture. Despite his best efforts to keep a straight face, a smile appeared on Alec’s face. The boy, Magnus, slowly made his way over to Alec.  up close he realized that Mr. Bane's eyes were not as pure a yellow as he had originally thought. There were tiny flecks of black, that Alec would surely have missed if Magnus wasn't standing so close to him. Alec could feel his cheeks heating up at the sight in front of him.

“Hi,” Magnus said. Alec nodded and nervously ran a hand through his hair. He wasn’t sure what this was about but he didn’t want the conversation to end. He was enjoying Magnus’ company. Magnus probably saw the confusion evident on his face. “Are you going somewhere?”

“Just to the cafeteria. You wanna join me?” Alec blurted out before he could have the chance to analyze that decision. It was when Magnus smiled and nodded, Alec’s confidence returned. As the two of them walked toward the campus cafeteria, Alec noticed Magnus sneaking glances at him.

“Alexander?”

“Hmmm?”

“Can I ask you something personal?” Alec paused for a second, then nodded in response. “Have you found your soulmate yet?”

“Magnus…” Alec said, stopping in his tracks. He felt Magnus slip his warm hands into his own cold ones. “No...I-I haven’t.”

Alec felt Magnus’ hands travel to his shoulder. Looking down at Magnus, he felt something in his chest. He hadn’t felt that way about anyone. He wanted to grab the shorter boy and kiss him. And so, with a confidence he had never experienced before, Alec did kiss him. His arms automatically snaked around Magnus’ waist. As the two slowly broke apart, Alec looked down at Magnus with the biggest smile on his face.

“You..” Alec began, finally realizing that Magnus was indeed his soulmate. The man Alec wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

“Have I ever told you, Alexander, that dark hair and blue eyes is my favorite combination?”

***

Magnus rushed out as soon as the lecture ended. He saw Alexander a few steps ahead of him and called out. Alec immediately turned and looked at Magnus with a smile that only made Magnus surer in his belief that this was his soulmate. As Alec walked closer, Magnus noticed the deep blue in his eyes and how beautifully it complimented his dark hair. Magnus himself was a tall man, at about six feet tall, but Alec seemed to tower over him. There was a black backpack that hung loosely from his broad shoulders and Magnus wanted nothing more than to be in its place. Silently, he fought the urge to grab the taller gentlemen by the collar and kiss him.

“Hi.” Magnus finally found his voice. Alec nodded and then ran a hand through his hair. The unintentional flexing of his arms sent a shiver through Magnus’ body. “Are you going somewhere?”

“Just to the cafeteria. You wanna join me?” Magnus smiled his best smile and nodded.

“Alexander?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask you something personal? Have you found your soulmate yet?” Magnus knew this was an extremely personal question, and Alec may not answer it, but he needed to know.

“Magnus…No. I-I haven’t.” Magnus slowly slipped his hands into Alec’s and moved them up to his shoulders. Then, out of nowhere, Magnus felt Alec’s mouth crash on his own. It felt better than he could have ever imagined. Magnus felt himself melt into Alec’s arms as the blue-eyed boy rested his hands on Magnus’ waist.

“You…” Alec said, but Magnus silenced him, placing his finger on Alec’s soft lips.

“Have I ever told you, Alexander, that dark hair and blue eyes is my favorite combination?”


End file.
